Kids and the News, War and Politics ...

In my experience as a therapist treating children I was surprised by the frequent, thematic fear of war, scary news stories and a chaotic political environment. Yes, kids know what’s going on. They hear things we talk about, they overhear the news, their friends are talking about it too. Personally, I find myself feeling overwhelmed lately by the mountain of negative news, police shootings and Donald Trump doing  or saying … well, anything really. Even worse, no matter which outlet I browse I cannot escape it! Twitter, Facebook, general Google searches all generate some horrific news story usually affecting innocent people and most definitely affecting my mood. The issues seem never-ending and solutionless.

I feel this way and I am an adult, trained in understanding and processing emotion. I wonder how much more difficult this would be for a child. They have worries just as we do and depending on their personality and disposition they may not be aware or open about it! Along with the politics of today come intense emotions that children may not know how to deal with such as fear, dread, confusion, anger, sadness etc. I thought it could be helpful to equip parents and caretakers with tools about how to approach these issues in a proactive way, instead of reacting to something your child may have overheard and is now having difficulty internally processing.

1. Approach your child: when in a neutral and non-overwhelming location (dinner table, driving somewhere etc) be the one to bring up the topic and give permission to ask questions and talk about it. Politics have become so intimidating we have to assume your child has heard someone say “I don’t talk about politics” .. ensuring this topic is safe to speak about with their parents is key to having an open, honest dialogue.

2. Ask your child: ask your child what they know about different terms like “politics”, “republican” “democrat” or if they know who certain political figures are. Ask with a genuine curiosity and don’t assume you know what they may say. This may reveal they know more than you’re comfortable with as their parent or they believe something that isn't true. If your child talks about feeling scared or uncertain about the future or their safety use plenty of reassurance. Reassure them they are loved, safe and (if this aligns with your values) that our country is protected by our military or by a spiritual figure your family believes in. Long-term feelings of unsafety prohibit brain growth in other areas and it’s our jobs as caregivers to create safety for our children.

3. Share with your child: If it feels right, share your thoughts/feelings and experiences with politics in a way that allows your child to ask questions that you are willing to answer. Remember to be comfortable because you set the tone for the conversation.

4. Offer openness in the future: let your child know they can ask questions about this topic in the future and you’re there to listen.

Ultimately, remember that this isn’t an easy topic to speak about openly and if you’re uncomfortable or at a loss for words that’s perfectly normal. Acknowledging this can be difficult may be the ice breaker needed to open up an honest exchange with you and your child. Feel free to leave a comment about your experience talking to children about politics!

In the spirit of realness, 

Té

-The Next Chapter-

The warmest and happiest of “HELLO'S!” to all reading my first ever Talk with TE blog post! If you’re reading - THANK YOU! Whether you’re a potential, past or present client, a family-friend or a former colleague your presence on my webpage symbolizes your support of me in the next chapter of my life and for that I am deeply grateful. This post marks the beginning of my adventure as a private-practice mental health counselor, which yes, feels huge to both write and say aloud - huge because finding purpose for the lives we live may not happen easily or often and I am blessed to have found at least one of mine! It's’ also such a powerful blessing to know that all of life’s previous “lemons” have the potential to come together to make the sweetest of lemonades, it just depended on my perspective.

I’ve long wondered where my passion for working with families began. My own current family is … an interesting makeup. My husband and I met in college and married almost 5 years ago this summer, I have one “full” sibling, one “half” sibling from my bio-dad, two cousins that have always been regarded as sisters, a paternal aunt that I call my second mom, my bio-mom in heaven, and an estranged relationship with my bio-dad. I’ve been raised by numerous members of my family and entities from my grandparents, to the foster care system. I have “auntie’s” I couldn’t even tell you how we’re related, in-laws and family I know exists but I’ve never met! PHEW! Got all of that out. For a second it felt like a biblical genealogy passage. All of that to say - since family has been such an ever-changing definition in my personal life its’ curious I’ve always been so drawn the idea of the family system - my experience is not nuclear in the slightest sense.

I frequently remember experiencing polarizing emotions throughout random patches of life when thinking about my various family makeups over the years. Sometimes feeling jealous of others who had the “all-American” family made up of a mother and father in one home, somehow seemlessly coexisting together. Other times feeling shame. At other times I would look upon my little funky unit, my tribe with a sense of pride and contentment. We were the overcomers, the underdogs, the “southpaw people” as my husband calls it. Having been through tough times somehow brought us closer and made me more determined to 1) create a better circumstance for my own “family” one day and 2) serve families throughout the course of my life.

The intention I set for my practice is to normalize the experience of … NOT being normal! What is normal, anyway? Especially when it concerns family. We all have a weird aunt or a sibling with mental illness or step-fathers, two moms, a single dad or live with our extended family. I mean, even the Brady Bunch were a blended, unique and definitely awkward family. And what I know from my husband’s experience is that being raised in a two-parent home doesn’t necessarily equate to a consistently happy home. So, if we all have something about our family’s that is different or challenging, it seems counterintuitive to suppress the truths about who we are. We’re never alone in our differentness.

Sometimes the truths of who we are mean we’re traumatized by things we’ve seen or things that have happened to us. Often times, a challenge with one family member can cause challenges throughout the entire family unit resulting in mental health diagnoses like depression or anxiety. Maybe your truth is that you feel embarrassed you don't know what to do to help the child in your care. Whatever the truth of your family situation is I know from personal experience that ignoring it won’t make it go away AND you deserve to be seen for your most true and authentic self. There is never shame in being genuine.

So bring me the awkward, the step-kids, the adopted. Bring me the exhausted moms, the single fathers, the grandparents back in the role of mom and dad. Come, all you foster parents and siblings raising siblings. Nothing is “weird” about where you and your family are in life at this very moment. But you could use support, ideas to address challenging situations or even clinical mental health treatment. In my office, you’re welcome - with open ears and unconditional acceptance.

I am excited for what this opportunity to serve in this capacity will bring me as well as the clients I come across along the way. Through this blog I welcome feedback on posts, questions that you’d like answered or sharing your experience on topics written about. I’ll post a new blog every Sunday and all blogs are representative of my thoughts/feelings on family related issues. They should not be viewed as mental health treatment or interventions. Thank you for the outpouring of love as I step into my purpose and passion!

In the spirit of realness,

Té